Well, I may not be writing much lately, but I certainly have been reading. The latest on my recovery reading list was You Are Not Your Brain by Jeffrey Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding, a decent self-help book with the sadly unrealized potential to be superb.
Have you ever had the perfect picture of something in your mind? Maybe it's a job. Or a spouse. Or a home. Or a pair of pants. Or this thing that will keep your nose warm in the winter. And you spend a long time looking for it. Maybe you even consider, idly, learning a new trade, like knitting or robotics, just so you can create it. At last. The perfect robot spouse handing me a custom knitted nose cozy!
Then maybe, having created this perfect picture, you've even seen something that had the potential to be IT. That perfect thing you've been looking for. And then you find yourself disappointed because it doesn't live up to its potential. Because it turns out your perfect nose cozy almost sort of keeps your nose warm, but isn't really well organized enough to do its job. This book is that nose cozy.
As I started reading, I had high hopes. The first chapter, in a form that I believe is legally mandated for all self-help books, cheerfully chirped that the solution to my problems would be easy and that this book could tell me how to do it. Really. It will. It's coming. Keep reading. No. Not here in the store. We've put all these words in so that you can't just skip to that easy answer and read it without paying for the book. Whew. Got you to buy it.*
Ok, now we can tell you the truth. Which is that you're actually going to have to work at this quite a lot. Oh, but we will tell you how. Eventually. Well, sort of. You'll be about 150 pages in before you ever get to the meat of our method and even then, it will all be so poorly organized and muddled that you'll have a hard time wading through the morass of words to tease out the important bits. But it's in there!
Yes, I was quite excited by the idea of this book and so almost equally disappointed that poor organization got in the way of its excellent message. What I enjoyed most was that this was a book that avoided the kinds of labels that keep many spouses of addicts (and addicts themselves) from getting help with their pain. I've seen so many people stew in the pain of intrusive thoughts of an addict's acting out. Or get so angry they destroy property or hurt others or themselves. Or rage at their spouse in front of the kids. Or overeat or drink alcohol or overspend to deal with the stress. And not get help. Because they don't consider themselves alcoholics or overeaters or codependent and they don't have PTSD and they're not depressed and they really, really don't need a God that doesn't exist, so forget 12 Step thankyouverymuch. They're just hurt and frustrated by all this stuff other people keep doing.
Well, here it is. Here's a book that gives you all the great tools we learn in 12 Step. Tools like mindfulness and acceptance and taking care of yourself and not shoulding all over. Here's a book that can make a great supplement and accompaniment to 12 Step or a great introduction to some of the tools we learn in program. And it does it all with a basis in nice, safe brain science with no one forcing that pesky God thing on you. Here is a book that admits there are no quick fixes but lays out the practical steps and hard work it takes to work on healing.
Or rather here it could be.
Because while You Are Not Your Brain contains a lot of fantastic and helpful information, it is bogged down in organizational problems. Terms that are used repeatedly from the earliest pages of the book sometimes aren't fully defined until 200 pages later. Most of the first 140 pages are spent telling us (out of order) what we're going to read later in the book. I found myself wishing I had a dollar for every time the authors wrote things like "you will learn more in chapters 3 and 4" or "we will teach you more in Part II, but for now..." or "we will discuss this in chapter 11." Or better yet, wishing I had access to the text and could edit the book myself. (Note to the authors and editors: In a properly organized book, the information should build in a logical way. I'll be happy to help you with your next book.)
And while the authors tried to use simple language, they ended up creating a whole new set of jargon like "Self-Referencing Center" and "Refocus with Progressive Mindfulness." My almost-favorite was what they called the "Uh Oh Center" of the brain, because it was simple and descriptive, but after they mentioned that a colleague referred to it as the "Oh Shit Center" instead, "Uh Oh Center" seemed a pale second best.
Still, while You Are Not Your Brain may not be the perfect recovery book for which I've been longing; it's a good enough book. Even with its flaws, the excellent information, exercises and practical advice it presents make it worth a read and even a second read. Just go heavy on the skimming the first time around.
Leave a comment on this post between now and Sunday, June 26, 2011 for a chance to win a free copy. The winner will be announced on Monday, June 27, 2011.
* Full disclosure: I didn't really buy it. The publisher sent me a free copy of
You Are Not Your Brain and promised me a free copy to give away, in exchange for posting this review. However, the contents of this post are solely my own. And also I have had that experience skimming self-help books in the bookstore. I'm not making that up.
