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My son has never eaten like a typical child. People, who are trying to be understanding and kind-hearted, will say, "Oh, I know just what you mean. My child is so picky too!" And every time I hear those words, I feel like I'm watching myself in a scene from a movie: I stand looking up at the sky, sad and resigned, and as the camera pans out, out, out I become a speck in the middle of a vast nothing. I'm alone, alone and lost, in the middle of an uncharted wasteland, and the person who "gets it" is comparing that to having to pull over in the middle of Orlando and ask for directions to Disneyworld.
My son stopped eating anything new around the time he was one. At his first birthday party, he wouldn't touch the birthday cake I made for him; he wouldn't try any part of the little sandwiches on the platter we purchased, not even a bit of cheese or bread; he didn't want the ice cream; he wouldn't eat the fruit. (What kid refuses cake, ice cream, cookies, candy?) Since then, his diet has become more and more restricted, until he only eats three things and only drinks milk. Each food and beverage that he does consume has to be served the same way each time, in the same cup or bowl, with the same utensil. Change anything at all and he won't eat. Newness is terrifying to him; it paralyzes him, literally, into starvation.
To those on the outside, there's an easy answer for this: I'm a bad and overly indulgent Mama. (And I bet the same folks could offer similar explanation for my husband's addiction: I'm a bad wife.) The experts say that you choose what your child eats, and your child chooses when and how much. I tested this theory when my son was two, and now newness terrifies me too. Our doctor asked us to take our son off of dairy for a few days (and at the time, that was all he was eating). So, for three days, at our doctor's recommendation, I chose what (new things: juice instead of milk, rice instead of cheesy pasta) and my child chose to eat and drink: nothing, ever. We had to hold him down and put juice in his mouth with a syringe for three days so he wouldn't become dehydrated. He would stand at the kitchen door crying, hungry, but he absolutely refused to eat when presented with new (non-dairy) food. So, instead of showing him who was boss of the food world, he showed us, showed us that he couldn't eat new things without a lot of help, without a lot of baby steps.
Now I introduce a new food by playing games with it, so my son won't be afraid to touch it. And then, with lots of positive reinforcement from his favorite activities, I get him to touch it to his face, then his lips, then his tongue, then eventually put it in his mouth and take it out, then swallow. The whole process can take a year, but in the end, he'll be eating something new. Right now he will put a tiny fleck of bread in his mouth and wince and take it out, so that's progress. We may not ever get from this emptiness we're in to Orlando with the rest of the parents, but honey, we are at least heading in the general direction of Florida.
Of course, every now and then, I still try to sneak us onto a direct flight. One day, while my son was distracted by the TV, I fed him a different variety of one of his favorite foods. He ate happily until he looked down and noticed that it was different. "It's ok, buddy," I said, "You've been eating it and it tastes fine, doesn't it?" He looked at me, horrified, as if I had been feeding him human brains, and promptly threw up all over the floor.
It's ok, those little steps are still moving us forward toward the edges of the wasteland...
If we all walked a mile in your shoes huh? I can't imagine what you're going through but I'm a tiny bit closer after reading your thoughtfully written post. Thank you for showing this patience to readers who don't have children with autism, I appreciate it.
I'm an aspie and my other brother has been dxed with ADD. Meanwhile, my OTHER brother is most likely on the spectrum too, but undiagnosed. When he was a child, he ate a total of 8 things. And that's if you count PB and J as 3 separate things.
lastcrazyhorn, in our household, we definitely count PB and J as 3 separate things. We'd even count a different type of bread as a separate thing!
Oh and milk and cereal as 2 separate things as well!
I can't believe I just read that. My son is Autistic. He's 5 1/2, and he only eats seven things. Even the Autism 'experts' don't talk about it. They talk a little about a reluctance to try new foods, but never about it being as restrictive as my son's diet.
I read a few other blogs by parents of Autistic children, and they talk about their children eating the same things any other kid eats. It's made me wonder if his inability to try anything new is somehow my fault...
I don't know why I'm writing this, really. I'm just so relieved my son's not the only one.
Azul, I want to reach through the screen and hug you! This has been the biggest challenge we've dealt with with my son, and I have always felt so alone in it because so few children seem to be as extreme in their eating issues.
Currently, my 5 year old eats chicken nuggets (2 varieties of frozen, McDonalds or Wendys), french fries (only OreIda Crispers, and that's on a good day), toast with butter (but the butter has to be completely melted), Eggo Minis (heaven forbid they actually be the normal size), fish sticks (Fisher Boy), and scrambled eggs (but you can't call them scrambled, and they have to be cooked in a certain way, more omelet style). Oh, he will eat Oreos occasionally, brownies, and popcicles. Milk, milk, and more milk.
I know what you mean about people giving you the attitude. What made me feel better was when my pediatrician asked "do you know any adults that only eat chicken nuggets? As long as he's growing, don't worry about it."
I'm sending this to my friend, Impossible Mom, who will certainly be able to relate (she has twin five-year-old boys with autism).
When Intrepid was very young he suffered with some sensory issues due to his hearing loss - especially with taste and textures. We got a little taste of what your son struggles with, and that was enough to make me really empathize with you and other parents go through. You're one of my heroes, MPJ. Such a wise mama and a talented writer. Every time I visit your blog I learn something new. So thank you
Does your son have autism and is that why he eats the way he does? I ask because my son does not have autism. However he is three and ONLY eats oatmeal NOTHING else. Like you I know the looks and unspoken and out spoken words of loved ones and outsiders. It is hard enough to go through such heartack and to have others say just don't give in to their wants, as if they had a ~~~~~ clue. My dr had us give him oatmeal for breakfast only to let him get hungry enough to eat food. We did this for six days he never cracked. Then the dr said stop giving him oatmeal all together, it has been two days now. HE has had NOTHING to eat, he says no thank you to any kind of food. I am losing my mind right now. I go to the dr tomorrow. I'm going to let him know I can't continue to let my son starve, when I can give him oatmeal and he will eat it. I feel your pain. May God be with you and your family.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this struggle! My son will be 9 this coming Monday and he has such a limited diet. He is underweight and it is a constant struggle. And yes, he has autism. I haven't seen this issue addressed either and the people I know with kids on the spectrum don't have this issue - I thought we were all alone!! A friend with an ASD son emailed me this link, and I am so grateful. Again, thank you for sharing.
I used to work with a younger autistic girl. She would only eat a two foods: nuggets and french fries (and only drank water). Eventually, around age 9, we made a rule that anything in her special bowl or on her special plate, she had to eat. It started easy with only french fries and nuggets, but we worked up to a whole orange segment! (Which she ate, then promptly threw up all over the carpet!) A year later, she had her first hamburger and her mom cried. It was great! I never thought I'd be so happy a kid ate a hamburger, but she never did like anything sweet.
I also had a 12 hour stand off with a different kid over a raisin! You guys are not alone!
my son is 11 month old n i m brest feeding. whenever we eat my son also wants n when i give him he jus put in for 1 second the take out .he wants to eat but doesnt know how to swallow. he has eczema also.at first i thought itsbecause fo eczema but now he is nearly 1 year n brestfeed only .im worried he will starve n not get enough nutrients.i have tried to feed him from liquid to solid but no use......can anybdy help me plz........
thank you
Been there done that! My now 6 year old autistic son wa in the same boat. All he would eat was baby food, squash, carrots and pears. And this was when he was 2-3 years old. Not knowing any better I started forcing (yes, forcing him, and I still cringe when I think about it) to eat foods I knew he liked. It sounds harsh, but it worked for us. I am not suggesting anyone do this with their own child unless they can handle being an ogre, which I was. But now, this same child will eat cheese pizza, 2 slices in a sitting and tostadas! and just about anything I put on his plate. Green veggies are an issue, but then I don't like them much either!
My nephew (who is NOT autistic) also refused to eat, only in his case it was ANYTHING. Once he lost his sucking reflex, he stopped eating. He gained no weight from 6 to 12 months, and had a feeding tube for a year to prevent self-starvation. Docs who say a baby won't starve themselves are talking about 99% of the population.
His parents had to force him to eat after he turned 2 so he wouldn't lose the ability. He eats now at age 4, but it is very painful to watch. He constantly has to be cajoled to take the next bite. He sometimes asks if he has to eat today. He gets most of his calories from Carnation Instant breakfasts. It is hard on the whole family. People blame his poor Mom.
i feel like a bad mother as i cant get my four year old son to eat anything and even when i do i have to threaten him or physically push food down his throat and if i force him to it himself he will start vomiting as i wirte this email im in tears as i dont know what to do he was a premature baby but his still so tiny for his age i really dont know what to do i have tried everything i need help!
I have an 8 yr. Old son with Autism and a 7 yr. Old nephew also on the spectrum. They both have struggled with food. My son will only drink water and chocolate milk, but over the years he has went from gagging at food he saw to being curious and trying new things. It is his wonderful teacher and aides that make it a point to bring in new foods for my son to try during school. So for everyone in this boat..don't give up!! Even if you can get your child to try it and spit it out that's progress.
My brother is autistic and while I am not I see little things that suggest I may have very very mild Aspergers.. anyway this was me as well. My mom used to worry about me so much I would only eat soft things like pudding, yogurt, and peanut butter.. and would only drink orange juice. I think for a few years that is literally almost all I ate. I couldn't even eat pizza until I was 18 .. I never liked cake, never could drink soda, never could eat any fruits or veggies, never could eat meat, etc.
After entering my 20s I would eat mostly frozen food - frozen pizzas, frozen french fries, breadsticks, etc. and processed crap like cereal, goldfish, cheese nips, etc.
Now I am getting better for example I can eat eggs with tomatoes and green peppers, I can eat a ham sandwich (but still no chicken or beef), I can eat strawberries, bananas, oranges, etc. but still no green vegetables. I don't like to see certain foods before it's prepared or be the one to actually prepare it.. not sure why.. my husband does most of the cooking.
I think alot of it is sensory, I can't handle the texture of chicken, the thought of eating a plant (lettuce) or a cow (beef), or the seeds in wheat grain bread.. or crunchy peanut butter for example. same reason I do *NOT* like and can not tolerate hot drinks like cocoa or coffee..
Anyway I think I lost my point LOL just trying to say that you are not alone and it does get better as an adult..
I just read the blog and I have a 6 year old that has a limted diet. The doctors say that he'll outgrow it. He only eat certain food like others chicken nuggets, pizza, toast, peanut butter and crackers, prunes and fruit, yoget and fruit roll-ups. But the catch is it has to be cooked a certain way, it has to look a certain way or he won't eat it. If he does he throws it up. If he doesn't eat anything he gets bad migraines and throws up. Oh and he could live off of milk alone. We are going to take him to the doctor. We don't see Autsim characteristics, maybe some ADD but is there another explaination on why he has a visual fixation on food. He too has been this way since 1 years old. We try and negotiate with him but he is stubborn and usually wins. We are lost without answers or a solution. Thank you for sharing your story, I helps me see that this maybe more to it than him outgrowing it. Any other information or helpful advice is appreciated.
I used to live in terror that Trader Joes would stop carrying a certain brand of pasta that my son would eat 3 meals a day - 7 days a week! He goes on a food obsession for a few weeks/months at a time and then switches. The funny thing is the old food will suddenly become something he says he dislikes. So - he's actually getting a variety of food if you look at his diet over a 12 month period!!!
mama2redheads, yes, we've had that happen in our house too: that the old food suddenly becomes one he dislikes. However, my son doesn't seem to pick up new ones when and old one drops; he just further limits his diet. :-/
My little one is three and I swear I have no clue how she grows. Practically nothing goes in her stomach and trying to force the issue makes her much like the others throw up. Im at a loss as to what Im supposed to do and her ped is no help. They just dont see it. For a year it was nuggets and pizza if i begged. Now she wont touch it or try much of anything else. Pb an j occasionally. Pediasure has been our best friend. It hurts and people just seem to think shes picky. No she just doesnt eat. Im gonna start hiding veggies in what she does eat and see how it goes. Keep you updated. Im always open to ideas and I got her eating some veggies under the pizza cheese LoL or i hold one fork of spaghetti and buttered bread in the other when she opens up I switch from the bread to the spaghetti. Gotta laugh or I just may cry. Thanks for the story atleast im not alone.
Staci,
I have so much sympathy for you. My son is now 10 and we are still struggling with this. People, even some professionals, don't take the problem seriously or believe it's a real disorder. I wish they all could live with my son for a week and see that he truly has no variety in his diet and is truly afraid of new foods.
We work with occupational and behavioral therapists, but he has still eaten the same single food for breakfast, lunch and dinner for years now. So no answers from me. We've taken little steps forward, but we always seem to fall right back. We just keep working on it and mix in supplements to keep him healthy. Fortunately, he does eat a large enough quantity of that food, even if he doesn't eat a large variety.
I wish you all the best as you work through this. It's so hard!
Mary,
We have a son who is 9 who went through this and much more. I am publishing a book which shares how we have been working to heal our son. I have a website (which is under construction), but the links are helpful. Our son was diagnosed with P.A.N.D.A.S. My website will be a great resource for you. My book should be released this spring. The working title is "The Day My Son Stopped Eating" and it is an epidemic. You are NOT alone. Have hope!! I pray my book helps many of the children and parents who are suffering with this awful disorder which can affect nearly every body system in a child.
Hi there,
My son, who is now 3 1/2 years, and eating like a champ; absolutely refused all food - except milk, milk product and bread from 18 months to 2 1/2. We took him off of all dairy - no exceptions ever - and within ten days (it takes longer than three days!) he picked up a fork and spoon for the first time in his life and ate dinner with the family. Meat and veggies.
Shortly thereafter, we removed all gluten. Again no exceptions. Not ever. And there is nothing I put in front of him now that he doesn't devour. Incidentally, stay well away from all of the packaged gluten free and dairy free foods that you can now find in most grocery stores. They are laden with other garbage and not a healthy substitute. I make a wide variety of foods and do a lot of baking. It is a ton of work but I know exactly what goes into my kids moths and they have never been healthier.
Try it. It is a huge commitment but so worth the time!
Must be nice my son is 2 now & I have been having this problem since he was 1. I have had him at the doctor & they said he is fine. How is it fine that my son does NOT eat. Makes me wonder all he wants is milk or juice & he will NOT EAT anything!!!! The 10th we have another appt. Hope they give us some good news. I was able to get him to eat Velveeta mac n cheese but now he doesn't even want that I don't know what to do any more I get so frustrated & I know that isn't good either
Wow! it's good to know that we are not alone. We have a 6 years old, that we described as a milk baby. He refused to eat or drink anything until he was about 18 months old. Only milk, he started accepting choc milk at about 17 months. Now he has a very limited diet, of what he will eat, mainly McDonald's fries, sometimes the nuggets, bologna, occasionally hotdogs, cereal, spaghetti with canned sauce, rice, cheese, Chips(but only certain kinds), the frosting off of cake(sometimes), Ice pops, and some candy. He refuses to eat at school. We've been told to try numerous things, such as have been mentioned in the article, like not giving the things he'll eat, so he'll try something new. But he refused to eat. We're so worried, he's so skinny you can see his ribs. he does have other issues that i would say are sensory, like tags have to be taken off everything, even his stuffed animals, toys and mattress. His older brother(who's 22) was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when he was little,but the 6 yr old has not.