My husband is black, I'm white, our kids are biracial. Before they were born, I used wonder what they would look like and whether anyone would recognize me as their mama. I once had a dream that my son was born looking like Gabe Kaplan (of Welcome Back, Kotter) complete with the mustache: my baby was a tiny white man with an afro. In the dream, I fed my tiny Gabe Kaplan orange soda from a bottle (an image I blame on the sugar high from those countless gestational diabetes tests I had to take).
When my son was born, he looked like a bloody, cone-headed, purplish-grey, space alien monkey. He was horrifically ugly, but thankfully I was high on hormones at the time. I have video of myself holding the bloody, cone-headed, purplish-grey, space alien monkey and simply swooning over how beautiful he is, while my husband, who was not high on hormones, called him "a cute ugly little thing." "How can you call your son ugly?" I chide, "He's going to look at this video someday and say, 'I am not ugly!'" Now that I am no longer high on hormones, I can honestly say that my son is never, every going to look at that video and say he was anything other than ugly as a newborn.
His sister arrived in the world looking much less ugly, but still strikingly similar to her brother. I'm so thankful I dressed her in pink and him in blue, otherwise I truly would not know whose baby pictures were whose. And fortunately, they have outgrown their baby ugliness and are now stunningly beautiful. No, really, I am not high on hormones, and they really, objectively, are breathtaking. They have golden brown skin, softly curly hair, and deep brown eyes fringed by their daddy's long lashes. I hear people whisper as we pass by, "What beautiful children!"
When people see me with the kids, the question of race often seems to be lingering in their minds, but rarely makes it directly to their lips. "Their father must have curly hair and dark eyes," they'll say. Or (the most entertaining so far), a tentative, "Do they have a little bit of, you know, somethin' somethin' mixed in?" Or (the most offensive so far), in a foreign language the speaker didn't think I understood, a derisive, "Ugh! Those kids look black!" But most often people simply tell me the kids are beautiful.
A few years ago, I was walking with the kids in the park, and I passed an elderly man sitting on a bench. I smiled at him and said hello. He smiled back and said, "Your children look just like you." "That," I told him, "is the greatest compliment anyone has ever given me."
They do look like you, and like your husband, and mostly like themselves and each other. And they are gorgeous.
When we were starting the adoption process and first considering a transracial adoption, I talked to a friend of mine who also is a white mom to biracial kids. She said "It surprised me that my kids don't look like me". I met her daughter a few months later, and her daughter *does* look like her mom. Made me wonder just what my friend was seeing.
Goodness girl, that's a great last line! What stories you have to tell. Keep writing ...
Thank you for your kind words. I very much appreciate them. I hope you keep coming back, and I'll keep checking you out.
Brian
acid reflux
I had a similar experience to yours of receiving the compliment, but it was on the other end. A woman I used to work for is black, and her son is biracial with a Puerto Rican father. He looks just like his mother, but covered in a real beige-camel-brown skin instead of her deep earthy brown...she got tears in her eyes when I told her that he looked like her. I didn't udnerstand it at first, until she explained that people always say they don't look alike because they don't see past the varying shades of brown...
I would really like to have mixed-race kids myself. I don't know why but I've just always been attracted to men who are darker than me. I'll date any race, but have always preferred dark hair and dark skin. No wonder things didn't work out with my "Drug of Choice": he was Dutch and had blond curls!
In general, mixed-race kids are very attractive.
My son looks just like my hubby, blonde and blue eyes, but my girl looks like me. I am fair skinned though and she gets DARK after being in the sun for a few hours. Guess it's the Indian in her! Nobody ever tells me my son looks like me! Unfortunately he has my temperament.
My kids are also biracial. Each kid is so gorgeous, we couldn't help but make three! And by some freak of nature, our second is a redhead!