Mark and I took the kids to the park today. We sat in the shade watching them as they ran through the sunlit sand, climbed wobbly chain ladders and whizzed down slides. It was a Sunday, and as children, both Mark and I would have spent the day in church: dressed in uncomfortable clothes, sitting on hard pews, atheist fathers elsewhere, devout codependent mothers at our sides. We both came at spirituality askew and both took away the wrong lessons. As adults, we've had to discover for the first time what spirituality is, what God is, and how it all fits into our lives.
As we watched our children, playing in the warm summer sun, we wondered aloud how to guide them down a road we never traveled to a destination we don't know. The only road we know, the only map we were given, the only guides we followed, led to addiction and codependency. For this new destination, we have no road map. We had no guides, no role models, ourselves. We have no community outside of 12 Step yet. We work, each on our own practice, privately. We talk about spirituality, about God, but not with the kids. Mark said he almost feels as if his spiritual life is a secret from them, yet he doesn't know how to share.
It reminded me of a post I read (and commented on) on Cheerio Road about teaching children through our own example, through our own daily practice, through our own meditation. And this is the goal, of course: the inverse of the families in active addiction: our children will sense and imbibe healthiness and serenity, instead of disease and dysfunction. Yet we are still working on how to do it in openness, in the broad light of day, rather than keeping secrets, whispering to each other in the shadows.
P.S. I am unbelievably psyched because (thanks to a contest run by my friend Shawn at Letters to My Daughters) I won a copy of the book Momma Zen by Karen Maezen Miller (of Cheerio Road)! Yay! I can't wait to read it -- just as soon as I can find a way for Shawn to get it to me while still maintaining my anonymity...
I am going to think of this for awhile and then email you.
Very, very important post, my blogger friend.
Peace,
Scout
We don't follow organized religion, and as you can tell from my blog I'm leaning toward Buddhism. Not in an organized way, but in the way that after a long, long search I think I found that to be home, for me. These personal feelings I have are different than my husband's, though, he doesn't feel all that differently. Where we connect is through our daughters, and teaching them that the life they have is here, right now, and it's there's to grab on to and hold on tight. I think we teach them by actions instead of words that treating people compassionately is of the utmost important spiritual practice we can all do, daily. My point is that you can have secrets, not say a word and still pass spirituality along faithfully and wholly.
Spirituality is a hard concept ot explain, but for me it has been the recognition of things beyond my selfishness and the feelings I experience when I act upon this realization.
Heavy...
I'm glad you got the book! Yay for presents!
I have gone to church but not much lately. I just enjoy my kids and I read my bible and pray a lot too!
I've been away . . . and just read this post. I would have read it anyway, it was so compelling and honest. But then I see how you close it out. I sent the book your way on Friday, without any idea which name was yours. Mission accomplished, my friend!