As my daughter pleaded with me to read it to her on her arrival home, I raised one eyebrow at my husband, who said apologetically, "I really didn't look at it before I bought it." Bringing a generic grocery store God book into my house was bringing the generic God of my childhood into the house, a God I no longer believed in or wanted in my life. I felt like my child's mind was about to be warped with false propaganda; the friendly, colorful pages of this book were going to feed her a candy coated version of lies. I knew from the title of the book alone that the protagonist and I were going to differ on God as much as a human can differ with a piece of asparagus in a baseball hat.
I opened the book and started reading about a scared little piece of asparagus who is visited in the night by a magical tomato and maybe an eggplant. (I've hidden the book so effectively that now I can't find it to check.) The magical tomato and eggplant tell the asparagus there is no need to be scared because God is with him and is bigger than any monster, bigger than King Kong or Godzilla or the Slime Monster. And God made all the stars, which makes Him much more bad ass than those monsters anyway.
As with any book reading session with a four-year-old, I was immediately hit by a barrage of questions. "Is that God?" my daughter asked, pointing at a picture of what was supposed to be King Kong.
"No, that's King Kong."
"Who's King Kong."
"King Kong is a really giant ape in a story."
"Then where's God?"
"God's not in this book."
"Well, what does he look like?"
"God... Well, first of all, some people like to call God a he, but God doesn't have to be a he." (Mark, somewhere in the kitchen, calls out to express his own dislike for calling God "He" and his continuing regret for buying the book.)
"I think God is a she then," says my daughter.
"Well, yes, God could be a she, but God... Hm... Some people think of God like a person and call God he or she like a person. And some people think of God as outside us -- and they think God can control things and did things like make the stars. But that's not what Mama and Daddy believe... Um..." I'm hopelessly lost at this point, when Mark pops in from the kitchen to save me.
"Sweetheart," he says to our daughter, "I want you to know that a lot of people, including Mama and Daddy, believe that God is very important and that having God in our lives helps us live."
Whew! There I was struggling to articulate what God is not. That book made me feel I needed to build up a picture of the God I grew up with, tear it down and build up the God I know today. I thanked my husband and made a mental note to talk to the kids about what I do believe and not what I don't, as my daughter, distracted by Daddy's appearance, ran off to play with something else.
M. came home from school one day and wanted to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with Daddy. Daddy did rocks. M. folded his hands. "Um, what is that?" Daddy asked. "That's not rock, paper, or scissors?"
"This is prayer, and prayer beats everything! I learned that at school." M. said proudly.
"Um, time to send him in the public school!" Daddy yells to me from the other room.
I struggle with similar questions. Glad you hid the book so effectively!
Hey - God is bigger than the boogieman. He's bigger than Godzilla and the monsters on TV. God is bigger than the boogieman, and He's watching out for you and me!! That's the chorus to a song taken from that story your daughter brought home.
Mama - don't be afraid of God or the old god you knew as a youth. The God I know God has plans for you and me. He has GOOD plans for you and me. He doesn’t plan to hurt us, but He plans to give you and me hope and a good future.
I can boldly type these words because I've seen it in my life. As you've read in my blog, my wife had one foot out the door, but SHE STAYED with me. How could I pursuade her? I believe it was God. She says "I love you" to me now. Who but God?!?!?
So, He has plans for me and He has plans for you too. You've got this blog, you're still with your husband and things are moving forward, you have your wonderful kids who look like you, and you sound like a great mom. So you're walking in God's GOOD plan for you whether your acknowledge it or not. Please take some time to find out what other "adventures" He has in store for you.
D
The Fight of Our Life
Sometimes I thin children know the entire truth about God and are just playing with our heads by asking all these silly questions.
Well, I can't honestly say that I believe in God. I've tried to say I do, but it never comes out. Usually my own thoughts on the subject don't bother me--but I dread the day when my son wants to talk about it. My in-laws are very religious and I know it is only a matter of time...
I did have fun explaining the Big Bang theory to him though. He ran around the apartment whispering about there being nothing, and then he'd shout, jump high, and throw his arms wide, "BANG!"
Sounds like you found a good answer for you and yours.
Love this post!
Would you believe that one of the reasons that I started writing again was that I couldn't find any picture books about God that didn't make me uncomfortable?
this made me think.
as Leo gets older, starts asking questions, I'm realizing now that I do give a lot of time and energy to explaining what I DON'T believe, rather then offering him what I DO believe. A subtle but important shift.
I cringe at the thought of what my sons 4 sets of grandparents feed him about God when Im not around.
Hey -
Everyone seems scared about God. I want to encourage you to NOT be afraid. If you don't know the answer to something, what do parents encourgae their kids to do: Find the answer.
And, finding the answer is as simple as Hide and Seek.
When you have that feeling that you want to HIDE from the "God questions" your kids ask, get your kids and SEEK the answers to those questions with them. You'll be astonished at what you'll find.
And if you don't know the answer to those questions, it's okay, tell your kids you don't know but commit to each other that you both will keep your eyes open for the answer.
D
The Fight of Our Life
This would be good to apply to myself. Focus on what I do believe rather than what I don't. Thanks!
Thank god for Daddy in that story...both screwing up and buying the book to introduce the topic in the first place and for saving you from a mouthful of complicated when he did.
Just to say I'm not afraid of God. I'm afraid of upsetting people, hurting their feelings, and causing family conflict. But be that as it may, I'm not going to believe in something to make other people feel better.
Before I should've said too that I agree that we all need to explain ourselves not by what we are not but by what we are. That works for God and everything else.
Not knowing is most intimate.
I love this because someday I'll have the same issue. I need to remember to tell him what I DO believe and not worry too much about what I don't believe.
Oh man, this has got to be one of the biggest challenges of parenthood coming up for the non-religious and alternatively-religious. I don't want to force my atheism on my children like my parents forced their Catholicism on me... but then, I'm right where they were deluded, right?
(Hmmm, aware tone is not clear in blog comment boxes... gotta make it clear I know my parents 'knew' they were 'right' too!)
Well, well, you could have caused quite the codiexplosion with this post, my dear friend!
Clear to see that there are those among us who think we are scared of G-d if its not the "real G-d" --you know, that one?
This is most definitely an important thing to discuss with kids. Daddy to the rescue this round. Be ready for the next. I know you will be. You are a GREAT mama.
"That book made me feel I needed to build up a picture of the God I grew up with, tear it down and build up the God I know today. I thanked my husband and made a mental note to talk to the kids about what I do believe and not what I don't.."
Mama, that is the most brilliant thing you have ever written --IMHO. I struggle with this one too, and have long ago realized that it is the framework of my answers to my 6 yr. old son that is incorrect, not my beliefs. There is a nice book out there called "What I Believe", that takes the g-d out of it and puts the spiritual beauty of life into it. My favourite line is that "I believe in fairies", because I do. I don't want to live in a world without a little magic in it, and maybe that is why people believe in g-d. The vast majority of us need to believe in something special and mysterious, because it mirrors the special mysteriousness that is the spark of all life. Why not fairies? Why not g-d? Why not simply saying that we don't have all of the definitive answers yet and some part of us is kind of o.k. with that, but in the meantime we are going to fill in the blanks with a gracious, magical, majestic being or beings that is a code for our own wonderment for ourselves and our world?
Thank you for your thought provoking post. Very intelligent and deeply emotional.
Well played, Mark!
Some books I found really helpful when my kids were your daughter's age and asking similar questions were "When Children Ask About God" by Harold Kushner and "Finding Your Religion" by Scot McLennan (the model for Rev. Scot in "Doonesbury"). "Finding Your Religion" has a good, readable summary of James Fowler's work on the "stages of faith" which I found particularly reassuring. Basically, it says that it's developmentally appropriate for young children to imagine God as being like a person, eased my mind significantly.
Also, in case you're interested in reading it, here's the sermon I wrote last year about coming to terms with my childhood God:
http://tinyurl.com/2nvxey