As for the images ("the first impulse of many wounded and betrayed partners is to want to know everything. And I know that many of them regret it; that knowledge stays with them and the images haunt them."):

I too needed the images, and am still glad that I have them. And when I needed someplace to put them, I wrote them into stories. Because, if I write it well enough, honestly enough, clearly enough, some of the pain leaks out of the reality and onto the page. (I found the same to be true with writing honestly about my reactions to my daughter's prenatal diagnosis with T21 and a heart defect.)

In stories, the images don't threaten me anymore, because I control them. And they're safe to share with others I know, because it's fiction.

Everybody wins.

You may indeed be right that Angelina Jolie was sexually abused, but why the need to research online to see if she had ever referred to it? She definitely has an air of vulnerability to her, but there are also many things about her which are incredibly strong and intriguing. Why can't we focus on them instead?

As regards your former irrational jealousy towards sexy women, I can relate to that 100%. However, I tend to think it's because women (no matter how far we've come) still think of ourselves (subconsciously)as objects of male desire. Every time I see an attractive woman, I have this pathetic need to look at her, and look at her, to find some minor flaw, which will mean that I'm prettier. Disgusting, eh? But this has got nothing to do with her possible history of abuse - rather it's because I've been conditioned to need the male gaze to feel worthwhile. This is also why I HATE working exclusively with women, as the level of cattiness between them is horrendous. We always seem to be competing with each other for men. Of course, this sentiment is never out in the open, but I'm pretty sure that's what it is.

This was a huge shock for me in my early recovery. When I worked step 1 and read stories of other sex addicts (particularly the women) in the SAA basic text, I made this realization about many of my affair partners. I had no idea at the time. I didn't even understand my own pain; how could I understand theirs?

If you've read my post "former lovers", you've seen that realization already. I wish that I could give my gift of recovery to the women that I hurt. I wish that I could undo my part in their pain. ..

The cycle of abuse makes me think of something W.H. Auden wrote, "Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return."

I remember when he confessed sleeping with my friend of 22 years after our second child's baby shower. I was in shock because her child is 9 months younger than mine. He said no way because her eyes completely gazed over, so they didn't "do it long".

Abusers abusing the abused.

I love Angelina Jolie, btw. But I always saw her as damaged and I always saw her as a survivor in a way I often wished I could emulate.

I'm loving these posts. Thanks for sharing them.

Great posting, as usual.