Comments on: A Tale of Two Mothers

By: Sunny

Sunny — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:14:18 +0000

This is an awesome post! Lets us all know that we don't have to assume a "misbehaving" child is a spoiled brat. Always two sides to every story. Basically every poster has already said a variation of what I said...just goes to show you how effective you can be Mary!

By: mama mara

mama mara — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:29:40 +0000

"Sometimes I wish I could say something to the people who are looking on. But what could I really say anyway?"

Not a word. Just hand them a copy of this post. Magnificent.

By: cheryl

cheryl — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 04:03:31 +0000

This is brillant. You put into words exactly what I have been dealing with with my oldest as she was growing up. Even now sometimes. I found that there is nothing I can say to the people, the looks, the eyes rolling because they are already making their judgements (she is so spoiled, her mother never taught her how to behave, etc). It use to make me crazy and added to my anxiety. I learned and try to stay as calm as possible, deal with her in the most calm and loving way I can and just ignore the looks. I try to focus on my daughter and trying hard to remain calm and loving, knowing she is not doing it on purpose or to be mean. Her brain is/was on overload. It does make me think twice I am one of the parents in line, watching a child "loose it." I wish I could help in someway, but I think my understanding and being nonjudgemental is enough. Excellent post.
XXXXX

By: Ingrid

Ingrid — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 01:16:28 +0000

I cringed when I read the first story, and got the distinct impression that the narrative, with its narrow and judgmental view, was quite out of character for you. What's going on with MPJ? She's better than this- I thought.

Then I read the second story, and I got it.

Grocery and department stores are always a challenge for me, especially with the kids. We ALL get overwhelmed, distracted and cranky.

By: marta

marta — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 21:34:18 +0000

My son is not autistic, but when he was 3, he went through of phase of not wanting to be in the grocery cart. He screamed like mad. But I had to get the shopping done. Walking out would be giving him what he wanted and proving that screaming worked. On three different occasions I kept shopping and pretended I was not getting evil stares.

After the 3rd time he stopped screaming. He was well-behaved. People thought he was great. Now every time someone brings up screaming kids in stores, I tell them this story, and usually they realize that perhaps they are jumping to conclusions. Just, you know, maybe.

I can usually tell which cashier has experience with children--he or she does their best to get you out fast. Sometimes perhaps we could all stand to show a little acceptance of those who might annoy us or drive us crazy--whatever their reason.

By: Margaux

Margaux — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 20:58:29 +0000

P.S. I gave you an honesty award--check out my blog today.

By: The Stagnant Artist

The Stagnant Artist — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 18:35:34 +0000

I really enjoyed this post. Makes me think about the next time i go and look at a temper tantrum child. Will give them the benefit of a doubt. Very beautifully written.... as usual.

By: Margaux

Margaux — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 18:30:35 +0000

Eh, there's really nothing to say--it's nobody else's business. Someone who doesn't know the situation might look at what went on and think you need to have more control over your son, but YOU know that in reality, you and he were working together beautifully and that's all that matters. You're a fantastic mama, MPJ.

By: B

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:46:36 +0000

I so, so feel you. One of my younger sisters has Down Syndrome and exhibits a lot of tendencies in the autistic spectrum, and I can recall several situations very similar to this with her growing up. Being an impatient and easily embarrassed older sister back then, it is extremely interesting--and hard--to realize as an adult what my mother has gone through with raising her. I can't imagine the strength it takes, and I get incredibly nervous thinking about what I would do if I were in your (or my mother's) shoes. Just wanted to commend you and Austen both for being so brave.

By: Anne

Anne — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:28:04 +0000

Dear MPJ,
Your story really touched me deeply. Since it was my story in a way.
I have a brilliant daughter who is a great writer. She was diagnosed with schizophrenic a few years back. It has been very hard to go out in public for her. She was not bothering anyone, but it seemed that everyone was bothering her. I couldn't even go to movies, to restaurants or just a simple trip to the grocery store without having to assure her that there was no one who's talking about her, no one who's after us.
My heart broke every time I looked at my daughter shrivering in fear. I don't have a supporting husband. He's a off-and-on recovering SA. I feel like I have to be strong for my daughter...but sometimes life just seems so tough!
Reading all your inspiring blogs has given me some strength.
Thank you
Anne