Comments on: Confessions of a Bad Mother

By: Danielle Batog » Well Written/Well Said: March Edition

Danielle Batog » Well Written/Well Said: March Edition — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:13:42 +0000

[...] A Room of Mama’s Own: Confessions of a Bad Mother [...]

By: Misery Marketing

Misery Marketing — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:21:33 +0000

stick your finger in my heart and swirl it around why dont ya. its not nice to make me remember my bad parent moments. but it needed to be.

By: Headless Mom

Headless Mom — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 15:42:03 +0000

The one bit of advice I always give new mothers (when asked, of course,) is that you may love your children all the time, but don't expect to like them all the time. My bad-mother-moments have taught me this. Even with "normal" kids, there are days when I want to run and hide.

You have an excellent run of posts here, my friend!

By: Kelley

Kelley — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 16:37:48 +0000

I once said, in a burst of true inspiration, to a cousin dealing with the grief of seeing her son being labeled autistic, "you have to grieve the loss of the perfect son you expected so you can accept the perfect son you were given." Honestly, I think I was given that inspiration for myself, not for her. I have thought about it so much since because my sweet son continues to, when I'm having my bad mom moments, disappoint me. Really, it's myself I should be disappointed in, not him. Thank you for this honest post. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes.

By: Kelli

Kelli — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 12:15:33 +0000

Wow! I thought I was the only one with those feelings. Your way with word is incredible and your courage to share what everyone else feels is remarkable.

By: Yvonne

Yvonne — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 17:39:10 +0000

I read your guest post at the New York Times. I left a comment there, but I'm sure it is lost among the others. I thank you for sharing your experience in the supermarket. I feel humbled, enlightened, and educated by your words. Sometimes all it takes is one story to make a difference and yours made a difference to me. My words feel inadequate, but I hope you can feel what I'm saying.

By: Syd

Syd — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 16:08:13 +0000

Honest great post. I'm sure that your children love you and know what a great mom you are. And that's great. I wish that more people with children were introspective.

By: Cate Subrosa

Cate Subrosa — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:49:31 +0000

Thank you.

By: Ariane

Ariane — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 08:56:17 +0000

I don't like babies, so it didn't come as a shock to me to take a loooong time to come to love my eldest. The moments when it took all my self control to only drop him on the bed and run rather than hurl him on the floor didn't take me by surprise. But when my second was born, and he was a boy, I was overwhelmed with disappointment. That's utterly unacceptable in my world. It doesn't matter what gender they are. To mark his first breath with disappointment, and for something so ridiculous as gender, is probably about the only thing I have ever felt lasting guilt over as a parent.

He turned out to be Angel Baby, and stunned me by endearing me extremely quickly. Turns out that some babies aren't quite as hideous as I had always thought. Not that I have changed my stance on babies in general.

In the end, I stopped pretending that I didn't care about gender and we tried explicitly for a girl and got one. Although the gods threw that one last parting shot by allowing me to believe it was a boy for two weeks during the pregnancy. I'm pleased to say that I had made my peace with it, even if I couldn't wipe the grin off my face for two days after I found out geneticists can be wrong.

I still feel guilty about wanting a girl. I keep looking for signs that I love her more. It's the worst thing about kids, how they shine huge great spotlights on your personal failings.

Thanks for writing so eloquently about how it happens to us all.

By: Sophie in the Moonlight

Sophie in the Moonlight — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:11:49 +0000

i would (do) get so frustrated with my sons on certain days that I call them Throw the Baby Down the Stairs days. I would never do it, but it feels so good to say it.

Our ONLY requirements as moms is to make sure our children know they are loved unconditionally, fed, clothed, and housed as best we can. Everything else is gravy. It took me a long time to learn to embrace being the Good Enough mother, and even though my sons still fail to rise to my every expectation, and I continue to fail to meet all of my own, they are Good Enough Kids and we are good enough for each other.

You, my dear sweet perfection-seeking friend, are exactly the mother Austen and Janie need. No one else would be as beautifully, perfectly imperfect as you are and raise such smart, loving children who are comfortable with being exactly who they are at this exact moment. And this one. And this one.

Sometimes it's ok to want to throw the baby down the stairs. It's our ability to refrain from doing so that makes us good moms.