Image credit: Photo by marimoon on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons

I remember the first time I ever saw my husband; I even remember what he was wearing. It was our first week of college, and he was standing in line behind me, wearing Coke bottle glasses, a white, retro (to put it kindly), marching band t-shirt with red trim and red polyester running shorts with white trim. I took one look at him and said to myself, "Oh my God! He's, like, a total dweeb." (We met in the 80's. That was how I talked to myself back then.) So, yeah, not exactly love at first sight. He took some getting used to.

But I have had that experience of seeing someone for the very first time and having my world turn upside down, of feeling both that I could do anything and that I was going to collapse at any moment under the weight of all that love. The person in question was crying and bloody at the time I met him; his skin was a horrifying hue of purplish-grey and his face that looked something like a cross between a monkey and a space alien. But I thought he was the most amazing thing I had ever seen, and right there, the moment he was born, I loved my son Austen with all my heart. "This," I thought, "is where I'm meant to be."

Walking into my first 12 Step meeting more than six years ago was a lot more like meeting my husband than meeting my son. It was a meeting for friends and family members of sex addicts, and I was firmly convinced that I didn't belong there.  I felt awkward and out of place.  I couldn't relate to what people were sharing about.  Oh, and those other people in the meeting? They were crazy!  (But don't tell them I said that.)  It took time to realize I had my own issues to deal with and to start to feel comfortable with a group.  I love the COSA meetings I attend now, but it was a long process: certainly not love at first sight. Like my husband, my recovery around my codependency and his sex addiction took some getting used to.

I've heard people talk about their first experience in a meeting, of walking in and saying, "I totally belong here.  There's hope!  Thank you, God, for this group."  It sounded so wonderful to walk into a meeting and feel that kind of instant love and relief.  And being the spiritually enlightened being that I am, I was always terribly jealous.  I wished my love of COSA had been less of a hard fought battle with my own denial and more an instant connection.

But yesterday, I had that experience at last.  In honor of my Year of Health, I decided it was finally time to go to an Overeaters Anonymous (OA) meeting and deal with my issues around food.  And walking into that OA meeting was 12 Step love at first sight.  I could relate to every share.  I was nodding my head at every word and saying, "Yep, that's me," or "Wow, I didn't know other people did that too," or "I thought I was the only one who felt that way."  I was in a room full of people who relate to food in the same compulsive way I do, I was in a place where I was ready to see and admit it, and I could finally say, right there at the first meeting, just like the first time I saw my son, "This is where I'm meant to be."