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| Image credit: Photo by Cayusa on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons |
The scene: Janie's elementary school.
A first grade girl is throwing a huge, spectacular tantrum. She is alternately thrashing on the ground and trying to kick, hit and even bite her own mother as dozens of well-behaved, polite children walk past. Passersby are shocked and alarmed by her awful behavior.
That child? Yep. My child.
The scene: Janie's elementary school again.
Two girls at a school auction are bidding on the same children's gardening equipment: a pot, gloves, a spade, a mini rake and two packets of seeds. An ordinarily adorable girl has her face contorted in rage, with tears streaming down her face, screams, "I want it!" The other girl whispers, "Why don't we put our money together and share it?"
The first girl tugs frantically on her mother, shrieking commands at her to bid higher, which she refuses, while the room echoes with sobs and other parents look on in alarm. When the bidding has almost closed and she concedes, tearful and desperate, that she will share.
The second girl picks up and calmly divides the item, while the first girl frowns. "Thanks so much for sharing!" says the second girl, before turning to her mother and saying, "When these flowers grow, I want to give one to everyone in my class."
My child? The one who grew a garden to share.
The scene: A supermarket
After screaming at his mother in the checkout line, a boy yells, "You're terrible!" at a grocery clerk whose line happened to be moving slowly. Onlookers frown and whisper with distaste.
That boy? My son.
The scene: A church ceremony
One boy squirms and cries, slides off the pews, hides under the seats and talks out loud during the ceremony until he has to be taken outside. Another boy sits quietly in his seat for hours, looking at the program, the hymn book and other reading material. An elderly couple praises the parents of the second child for what a good job they are doing with their son, not only is he quiet, he also loves reading.
My child? The one who is obsessed with words and numbers and spent the whole ceremony focused quietly and intently on the new material.
So often I think I know the whole of the story, based only on what I see at any given moment. Yet I think, what would I know if I only heard one of those stories, and not the others?
So, so true.
Unfortunately, not many people realize that kids have multiple sides. They are selectively blind to "our kids" strengths and their kids weaknesses, while they see clearly when our kids are at fault and their kids succeed.
I am so thankful for those who treat my children with respect, and recognize that if it is a 'bad day' that we need a smile, not a smirk!
This made me sad for some reason.
I can picture, quite clearly, that little boy sitting in the pew reading.
It's interesting to me how our kids can sometimes be predictable, yet always surprise us.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by disability, Terri Mauro. Terri Mauro said: From A Room of Mama's Own: At Any Given Moment http://is.gd/c7UqN [...]
I used to be (and, shamefully, sometimes still am) extremely internally frustrated and irritated with parents who couldn't seem to control their children. I am so happy to read accounts like yours, and learn from your experiences, and to become more tolerant. Knowledge and understanding really do breed tolerance, and I am thankful that you are helping me be a more tolerant and kind person.
Every time I find myself indulging in a bit of private drive-by parenting judgement, I remember the little girl throwing her shoes at her mother in the park. This was after school, and it wasn't my kid. When it happened, I fell about laughing. She's a perfectly lovely child, who was having a bad day. My son had had his mega-tanty the week before in a far less amusing fashion.
This memory, among other things, always makes me smile and relax, making sure that I don't send any "shut that kid up" vibes to some poor parent doing their best.
I am glad that there are mothers like you.
I'll always be grateful to a new friend of mine who didn't judge my son the day he had a 5-hour meltdown. This is uncharacteristic of him, but this woman, whom I only recently became friends with, said something like, "Oh, sometimes they just have bad days." She wasn't saying it to make me feel better; it was like she was simply stating a fact. We adults have our good and horrible days too - why would children be any different?