Image credit: Photo by Express Monorail on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons In the dream, I was driving on a highway laid out like silver thread between my home and the nearest big city. My husband was seated next to me, smiling, and I could feel the kids safely at home, laughing with their babysitter. [...]
Posts under ‘anxiety’
Carry that Weight
Image credit: Photo by Nena B. on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons A few months ago, Mark and I took the kids to a "sensory friendly" movie showing. Autistic individuals, and others with sensory processing difficulties, can find a typical movie going experience overwhelming. Movies are loud. Theaters are dark and often crowded. The screen [...]
I Don’t Love You
Image credit: Photo by jessica.garro on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons Most parents hear it at one time or another. Some variation on the universal theme of parent awfulness: "I hate you. I wish you were dead. I don't like you. I'm not going to be your child anymore. I want a new Mommy/Daddy. You're the [...]
Fear
Image credit: Photo by stuant63 Licensed under Creative Commons I've been working through the 12 Steps again, more slowly this time than my last time through. This week, I worked through an exercise where I looked at patterns of compulsive behavior in my life and I was struck (again) by how powerfully my life is [...]
Lullaby
Image credit: Photo by Big Grey Mare on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons "Honey?" Mark has been putting the kids to sleep. I thought he'd fallen asleep with them, but now he pops his head into the living room. "Austen says his stomach hurts and he can't get to sleep. Can you come take a [...]
A Problem Is a Problem
Image credit: Photo by Esther_G on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons Eight years ago, in spite of the fact that we were both exhausted by caring for our infant son, I found that my husband Mark was staying up later and later at night. He had to be up at 5 a.m. to get ready [...]
Worry Brain
Image credit: Art by hellvet2000 on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons "Worry Brain, your mama's so ugly, she makes onions cry!" I found myself saying after I got off the phone with my husband. I had to hang up the phone because I'd burst into tears, and now I was trying to beat back the [...]
Nightmares
Image credit: Photo by samzie2006 on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons I woke up this morning, muscles clenched like a fist and throat tight with anxiety, wanting to grab my son and never let him go. I crept to where he was sleeping and ran my fingers through his curls, reassuring myself he was there [...]
Tallying up my Self-Worth
Image credit: Photo by boxercab on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons Last Monday I walked through the grocery store feeling like a weight was crushing my chest, a tight lump in my throat the only thing between me and tears. And part of me wanted to self-indulgently sit there on the linoleum floor under the [...]
Spontaneity
Image credit: Photo by indoloony on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons A few months after I first met Mark in college, we ran into each other in a campus dining hall. As we chatted, he admired my high school class ring. I held my hand out to let him see it more closely, and peering [...]
