Image credit: Photo by Deltasly on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons Memory is notoriously unreliable: we leave out some details and enhance others; we rewrite old understandings based on what we currently know; we simply forget. I've written about most of the incidents in this blog from memory, even those few events I do have [...]
Posts under ‘denial’
A Sketch of Denial
Image credit: Photo by chandrika221 on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons There are certain moments in my life that I come back to, over and over, the way Monet came back to his waterlilies: trying to capture the way they look at just this moment, from just this perspective, in just this light. The moment [...]
My Denial
Image credit: Photo by mon of the loin on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons When I first found out that my husband Mark was a sex addict, I threw myself into the thing that had always saved me in the past: research. I had graduated at the top of my high school class, gone to [...]
My Husband’s Denial
Image credit: Photo by ortizmj12 on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons One morning, eight years ago, I turned on the desktop computer my husband Mark and I shared and called up the keystroke logging software I had installed. Mark didn't know that the computer was secretly taking notes on every character he typed, and I [...]
Looking Back
Image credit: Art by jeloid on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons I started keeping a journal semi-regularly when I was in middle school. My very earliest journal entries are a thrilling roller coaster ride through the life of a suburban tween: from the heartbreaking lows of the cancellation of my favorite TV show to the [...]
Resistance Is Futile
Image credit: Photo by mydearDelilah on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons During the first year after I discovered my husband's sex addiction, I attended S-Anon, 12 Step meetings for friends and family members of sex addicts. At the beginning of each meeting we would read "The S-Anon Problem." I hated "The S-Anon Problem." I hated [...]
The Trappings of Success
Image credit: Art by Rob Sheridan on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons Years ago, before I knew about my husband's sex addiction, one of the things that drew me to him, that I really liked and respected about him, was how he seemed to have broken away from the pattern of addiction and dysfunction in [...]
The Man in the Mirror
I roll my eyes as a cluster of neon clad girls buzz, "The way the sidewalk lights up as he walks is so cool! I love that song." Michael Jackson and that stupid Billie Jean video. Cool? Whatever. He's so overrated. I mean, if you wanted to talk about enduring cool, who could really compete [...]
Codie Dreams of Self Doubt
Image credit: Photo by onkel_wart on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons Sometimes my subconscious likes to be really mysterious in its messages to me (so, why, exactly, did a frog hop on the big pink bubble gum bubble I was blowing?). Sometimes it likes to tell jokes. Sometimes it (like many a subconscious) likes to [...]
Doubt
Image credit: Photo by Daniel Y. Go on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons When my husband was still active in his sex addiction and I was still unaware of it, we lived our life (as many living with active addiction do) enveloped in fantasy. We frolicked inside a rainbow in a castle made of pink [...]
