Image credit: Photo by Express Monorail on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons In the dream, I was driving on a highway laid out like silver thread between my home and the nearest big city. My husband was seated next to me, smiling, and I could feel the kids safely at home, laughing with their babysitter. [...]
Posts under ‘grief’
Haikus for Christmas Long Ago and Far Away
A box marked "fragile" holds shining memories wrapped in crumpled paper. She lights up like a firefly whenever you're around, George Bailey. Once a year. Each year. They emerge, sparkling, to be packed away. The delicate glass, like breath on a windowpane, glitters and is gone. This year, glass soldiers wait, tissue-wrapped with angels, in [...]
The Man in the Mirror
I roll my eyes as a cluster of neon clad girls buzz, "The way the sidewalk lights up as he walks is so cool! I love that song." Michael Jackson and that stupid Billie Jean video. Cool? Whatever. He's so overrated. I mean, if you wanted to talk about enduring cool, who could really compete [...]
Recovery is Sexy
Image credit: Photo by Eternal ☼ Sunshine on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons It was raining the night I first kissed my husband. The wind was hissing and howling through the bare branches of the trees, rattling the last of the dead leaves still clinging to their posts. Before we kissed, we twined our hands [...]
My Kids Deal with Death
Image credit: Photo by two stout monks on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons My daughter, Janie, found the body. Our pet* had been missing for a while, so at first she shouted to me excitedly. She found him! But when I ran to her, it was clear that he was already gone. She looked from [...]
No Answers
Image credit: Detail of a photo by Carla216 on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons This week, when our family pet went missing and later turned up dead, I did an obsessive imitation of some of my favorite literary detectives; like Sherlock Holmes, I tried to piece together the smallest clues and like Hercule Poirot, I [...]
Let God What?
Image credit: Photo by Will Foster on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons I've been giving a lot of thought recently to the 12 Step saying: "Let go and let God." I was talking to a (non-program) friend about those words a few weeks ago and she asked, "What does that mean? Let go and let [...]
Can’t Deal
Rough, rough, rough day yesterday. Had one kid home sick and a family pet passed away. I cried and screamed more than I have about anything in years (and that's saying something). I didn't eat all day, hadn't slept enough (between sick kids and pets), didn't have any adult contact and every little thing set [...]
Confessions of a Bad Mother
Image credit: Photo by Jill Greenseth on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons I have a secret. I have been grieving over my children since, at times, before they were even born. Now that's not the way it's supposed to be, is it? I'm a mama, and mamas are supposed to be joy and love and [...]
